Countdown to Surgery

Less than 10 hours to surgery and it's time to take another leap of faith. Actually, this feels like the first BIG leap of faith on this journey!

The biopsy, the surgical consults, all the other testing - those were mere hops, preparing me for this.

While the process of preparing for surgery has been the same as any other surgery I've had, this one is very different in some notable ways...

It requires me to let go of my attachment to the outcome and trust that all will be divinely guided for my best and highest good.

When I wake up in the recovery room I will have either had a "few" lymph nodes removed for "sampling" (minor), or as many as 20 of them (major). If it was just a few, my cancer hasn't spread. More than a "sampling" and it has...But, I can't know, won't know - until it's done deal.

Choosing a lumpectomy carries the risk of additional surgeries. If my margins aren't clear, if the tumor is larger than anticipated - I could wind up going through this all over again in a couple of weeks! I won't know until next Tuesday whether they got it all. Not something I can control. I can only wait and trust.

There is another element to all that waiting and trusting though. Intention. And I INTEND that I am fine no matter what, no conditions, no bargaining. That pretty much covers it, doesn't it? It's all about being ok - right now, in the moment, no matter what. And, I am. So why worry?

Besides - if going over the edge into the abyss of the unknown is the only way to get from here to there - I say better to jump than get pushed! (Hmmm...that MAY just be my inner control freak speaking up again! Hehe!)

OK so, I have some other intentions too...I intend to rest and heal for a few days (something I haven't always given myself the benefit of). I intend to surround myself with positive influences and lots of love. I intend to make my needs known, accept help graciously, and set reasonable boundaries. I intend to treat myself with the kind of love and respect that I would have for my daughter, my sister, my parent, or my best friend.

And, I will thank God for ALL of it. Every moment, every breath. All the experiences along the way - the contrast, the blessings, the strength and wisdom and grace. I will welcome it and experience it all with gusto - no resistance - the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Then I'll simply move on to the next experience.

Whew!

I will keep you posted. I will let you know when I know. I lovingly and gratefully accept your prayers, your positive healing thoughts, white light, angels, love - whatever good stuff you choose to send my way ;). Thank you - from the bottom of my heart.

And - a very special thank you to my beloved Spiritual Mastermind Group. I feel your powerful healing energy with me always and I know I will be receiving it in concentrated doses during my surgery ;). I am so blessed to be a part of such an amazing group of individuals. xo

Goodnight everyone!

With love,
Lisa