There's nothing like a morning at the hospital to make it all just a little too real...
Friday was my final surgical consult. Time to decide if a lumpectomy was right for me. Factors to consider included the possibility of more surgery if the margins around the tumor aren't cancer free - and, if things look really bad, I could end up needing a mastectomy anyway...Intending a positive outcome, I chose the lumpectomy.
We won't know if the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes until surgery, when they remove my sentinel nodes for biopsy. That's a separate incision underneath my arm. They'll do the biopsy while I'm still "under" and based on what they find, the surgeon makes the decision about whether or not to remove more of them (called an Axillary lymph node disection). When I wake up, I will have either had a few nodes removed or a whole lot of them. On one hand, relatively minor surgery; on the other pretty major surgery with long term implications.
I won't know for sure until it's all over. That's pretty challenging stuff for a recovering control freak to wrap her mind around! All that uncertainty...and no control.
All in all though, I've been pretty proud of myself for the way I've been able to let go and trust. I've made mammoth leaps in that regard!! My mantra has benn absolutely sincere - "I am fine, no matter what, no conditions, no bargaining"...But, that doesn't mean there aren't days when I'd still rather just go to sleep and wake to find this was all some freaky nightmare.
And - Friday was one of those days.
All the discussion about the specifics of needles and incisions wasn't helping. Before surgery (and before anesthesia), they'll do an ultrasound guided procedure to place a needle into the tumor. It's called "Pre-operative needle localization". It assists the surgeon in his approach to cutting out the tumor and surrounding area in a very precise way. Sounds delightful :(.
Then, of course, there's the IV...I haven't always had a lot of luck with those. My veins have been known to get stage fright before surgery and go for a deep dive - especially in a cold room, after having no fluids for a while. Add to all that the fact that anesthesia has never been my friend (though I sure wouldn't want to do surgery without it!!) and you'll understand why the reality of surgery was really starting to sink in - and chase all my feel good vibes away.
Amidst all this uncertainty and unpleasantness (not a healthy environment for thoughts, by the way!)...I began to think about work - I was feeling overwhelmed by emails and my to-do list, I was wondering how I'd find the energy and focus to keep up with it all, and my fear was reminding me that I must - regardless of how I felt. It's like that when you're a self-employed single mom. It's up to me - no one else.
I thought about how long this journey might last. I was already feeling like I was falling hopelessly behind on virtually EVERYTHING in my life! Originally I envisioned being done with my treatments by Fall - ready to move on...then I met a lady who was diagnosed last July and she just finished treatment in March. She had what she called "garden variety" breast cancer. Hmmm...wonder what that means when you have the non-garden variety?? It felt like another blow...
Anyway - you get the idea...My thoughts became like a muddy landslide, burying any glimmer of a good attitude. At first I fought it, but really? I know better! The best remedy is to take the time and allow yourself to FEEL it, without judgment. It also helps to indulge in one of my favorite solutions for finding some relief - a nap! So, that's exactly what I did.
A little while later, I got myself up, put on a dress and went out to dinner with friends ;). Nothing like it for shifting my attitude! Dressing up is powerful for me. Socializing with people I enjoy and care about feeds my energy. And speaking of feeding? A fabulous meal always does wonders for my spirits ;). By the end of the night, I was doing much better. (**Thanks Frank & Traci!!)
I can't say I accomplished a single thing I had planned over the rest of the weekend, but it's a new week. Another fresh start. Another opportunity to seek relief through the thoughts that feel best...and to accept all that comes our way. It's another chance to appreciate life...moment by moment by moment.
Wishing you a week full of feel good moments!
xoxo
Lisa
Monday, July 25, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
More good news!!
Good morning everyone!
I have more good news to report! My genetic testing came back early - and with the very best result possible - NEGATIVE!!
This puts me on a clear track for a lumpectomy (versus mastectomy). My next surgical consult is this Friday morning and my surgery is now tentatively scheduled for Wednesday, August 3rd.
We still won't be able to make any other treatment decisions until about a week after surgery when I get my full pathology report. By then we'll know things like - whether my lymph nodes were clear, what kind of "margins" they took (tissue surrounding the tumor) and biopsy results of that tissue(cancer cells present or not), the "grade" of the tumor, etc...That's also when they will officially "stage" my cancer.
At that point, I'll have my consultations with the medical oncologist (chemo decisions) and the radiation oncologist (to see if I qualify for the 5-day radiation protocol - or what the recommendation will be).
I am very fortunate to have a top notch medical oncologist who uses a form of specialized testing and analysis that pulls in all the facts from my pathology reports and genetic testing, looks at the tumor's molecular markers and determines a highly individualized chemo regimen.
It's amazing how far we've come in medical science - and all that they discover each new day!!
The fact that it is a triple negative cancer is still a concern. Only 10-15% of all breast cancer is triple negative and it is harder to treat, more likely to recur, and generally more aggressive. I suppose there is still a chance that after all this is said and done, I may still have to go back for more surgery - but, I'm intending that I am the exception to the rule...that my triple negative cancer gets resolved right here and now, that I receive all the messages and blessings intended for me, and that I get to move on, without fear or worry of recurrance ;).
The results of the genetic testing, I should add, is good news not only for me, but for all of my relatives as well! My sister and my daughter especially. They still have that ugly family history risk, but at least I didn't have to hand them one more big risk factor.
So...that's all I have for today. Live, love, and savor the moments!!
xoxo
Lisa
I have more good news to report! My genetic testing came back early - and with the very best result possible - NEGATIVE!!
This puts me on a clear track for a lumpectomy (versus mastectomy). My next surgical consult is this Friday morning and my surgery is now tentatively scheduled for Wednesday, August 3rd.
We still won't be able to make any other treatment decisions until about a week after surgery when I get my full pathology report. By then we'll know things like - whether my lymph nodes were clear, what kind of "margins" they took (tissue surrounding the tumor) and biopsy results of that tissue(cancer cells present or not), the "grade" of the tumor, etc...That's also when they will officially "stage" my cancer.
At that point, I'll have my consultations with the medical oncologist (chemo decisions) and the radiation oncologist (to see if I qualify for the 5-day radiation protocol - or what the recommendation will be).
I am very fortunate to have a top notch medical oncologist who uses a form of specialized testing and analysis that pulls in all the facts from my pathology reports and genetic testing, looks at the tumor's molecular markers and determines a highly individualized chemo regimen.
It's amazing how far we've come in medical science - and all that they discover each new day!!
The fact that it is a triple negative cancer is still a concern. Only 10-15% of all breast cancer is triple negative and it is harder to treat, more likely to recur, and generally more aggressive. I suppose there is still a chance that after all this is said and done, I may still have to go back for more surgery - but, I'm intending that I am the exception to the rule...that my triple negative cancer gets resolved right here and now, that I receive all the messages and blessings intended for me, and that I get to move on, without fear or worry of recurrance ;).
The results of the genetic testing, I should add, is good news not only for me, but for all of my relatives as well! My sister and my daughter especially. They still have that ugly family history risk, but at least I didn't have to hand them one more big risk factor.
So...that's all I have for today. Live, love, and savor the moments!!
xoxo
Lisa
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Lessons in Receiving
Although I seem to find myself saying it often, I think it bears repeating -There have been so many blessings unfolding on this journey already, it is almost a challenge now to see it as anything but a gift! I know that may seem odd to many of you, but that's exactly how it feels to me right now.
Granted, the tough part has yet to begin - surgery, treatments...but, I feel like I definitely have the acceptance thing down...and they say that's a big part of transitioning successfully through the experience.
Note the way I said that. It was intentional. "Transitioning through the experience" - I intend to journey my way through this - not fight my way out of it. Success comes with EASE, not fighting. At least in my world.
And knowing that is one of the blessings!
Another is exercising my "receiving muscles"...Receiving is not something that comes easily to everyone. We can get so used to giving - and the feel good that comes from that - that we can forget to allow in all the gifts that others want to give us (and in doing so, unintentionally deprive them of the gift of pleasure that giving gives them!).
Saturday night, my BFF Betty Ann invited me over for dinner, a swim, and a movie. Incredibly relaxing! So good to spend time in a place and with people you feel so comfortable with and close to...Exactly the remedy I was looking for that night - and I had no difficulty receiving and appreciating that gift. It was easy and it felt good ;).
Last night, I was visited by three of my favorite ladies who are wonderful friends as well as colleagues. They brought dinner, wine, dessert - and the pleasure of their company. It was delightful!!
Ordinarily, I would have insisted that I do most of the "work" of hosting the evening (providing the food, etc.). Instead, I simply let them - and expressed my appreciation. Wow!! What a feeling! The sky didn't fall, I'm pretty sure they still love me (hehe), and they got to feel great too! What a concept!
I have been so very blessed by all of the people offering their love, support, prayers, positive energy, talents and assistance of every kind with me...here and now, I thank each one of you with all my heart...and I humbly accept your gifts with wide open receiving arms and lots and lots of love <3.
Namaste ~
Lisa
Granted, the tough part has yet to begin - surgery, treatments...but, I feel like I definitely have the acceptance thing down...and they say that's a big part of transitioning successfully through the experience.
Note the way I said that. It was intentional. "Transitioning through the experience" - I intend to journey my way through this - not fight my way out of it. Success comes with EASE, not fighting. At least in my world.
And knowing that is one of the blessings!
Another is exercising my "receiving muscles"...Receiving is not something that comes easily to everyone. We can get so used to giving - and the feel good that comes from that - that we can forget to allow in all the gifts that others want to give us (and in doing so, unintentionally deprive them of the gift of pleasure that giving gives them!).
Saturday night, my BFF Betty Ann invited me over for dinner, a swim, and a movie. Incredibly relaxing! So good to spend time in a place and with people you feel so comfortable with and close to...Exactly the remedy I was looking for that night - and I had no difficulty receiving and appreciating that gift. It was easy and it felt good ;).
Last night, I was visited by three of my favorite ladies who are wonderful friends as well as colleagues. They brought dinner, wine, dessert - and the pleasure of their company. It was delightful!!
Ordinarily, I would have insisted that I do most of the "work" of hosting the evening (providing the food, etc.). Instead, I simply let them - and expressed my appreciation. Wow!! What a feeling! The sky didn't fall, I'm pretty sure they still love me (hehe), and they got to feel great too! What a concept!
I have been so very blessed by all of the people offering their love, support, prayers, positive energy, talents and assistance of every kind with me...here and now, I thank each one of you with all my heart...and I humbly accept your gifts with wide open receiving arms and lots and lots of love <3.
Namaste ~
Lisa
Saturday, July 16, 2011
MRI Results
Good morning!
Happy news yesterday from the doctor. My MRI results showed my right breast to be clear (of anything suspicious) and only the tumor we already knew about in the left. Thank God!
Although it isn't a definitive study of the lymph nodes (only the pathology report will tell us for certain whether cancer cells are present), they appear to have "benign properties". I'll take that, thank you very much! And, I intend that the "sampling" during surgery as well as the full pathology report afterwards will tell us the same thing - benign nodes.
For those who may be wondering what "sampling" is, during my surgery, a second incision will be made in the crease under my arm. Through that incision the sentinel lymph nodes will be removed. The sentinel nodes are the "gatekeepers" for all the lymph nodes. Lymphatic fluid drains out of the breast directly into the sentinel nodes first. They find the sentinel nodes by injecting blue dye into my breast during surgery. The first node (or nodes) it travels to is removed for immediate biopsy. Frozen sections are checked while I'm still under anesthesia for a preliminary report. If no cancer cells are found in that node (or nodes), chances are the rest are clear as well and I can avoid what's called a lymph node dissection (removal). If cancer is found, there are 10-20 nodes that must be removed from under my arm...something I would obviously like to avoid!
So, where do I go from here?
Results of the genetic testing should be back late next week or early the following. Then we'll have the information we need to decide on a surgical approach...and set the date. Right now I'm guessing the first or second week of August.
As always - I'll keep you posted! Oh, and for those following the "Luna" story...the half-starved little stray kitten is still here with us, eating up a storm, and tormenting Bella. She is a meowy little thing! I'll keep you posted on that too ;). Maybe even a picture.
Hope you're having a good weekend!
Love,
Lisa
Happy news yesterday from the doctor. My MRI results showed my right breast to be clear (of anything suspicious) and only the tumor we already knew about in the left. Thank God!
Although it isn't a definitive study of the lymph nodes (only the pathology report will tell us for certain whether cancer cells are present), they appear to have "benign properties". I'll take that, thank you very much! And, I intend that the "sampling" during surgery as well as the full pathology report afterwards will tell us the same thing - benign nodes.
For those who may be wondering what "sampling" is, during my surgery, a second incision will be made in the crease under my arm. Through that incision the sentinel lymph nodes will be removed. The sentinel nodes are the "gatekeepers" for all the lymph nodes. Lymphatic fluid drains out of the breast directly into the sentinel nodes first. They find the sentinel nodes by injecting blue dye into my breast during surgery. The first node (or nodes) it travels to is removed for immediate biopsy. Frozen sections are checked while I'm still under anesthesia for a preliminary report. If no cancer cells are found in that node (or nodes), chances are the rest are clear as well and I can avoid what's called a lymph node dissection (removal). If cancer is found, there are 10-20 nodes that must be removed from under my arm...something I would obviously like to avoid!
So, where do I go from here?
Results of the genetic testing should be back late next week or early the following. Then we'll have the information we need to decide on a surgical approach...and set the date. Right now I'm guessing the first or second week of August.
As always - I'll keep you posted! Oh, and for those following the "Luna" story...the half-starved little stray kitten is still here with us, eating up a storm, and tormenting Bella. She is a meowy little thing! I'll keep you posted on that too ;). Maybe even a picture.
Hope you're having a good weekend!
Love,
Lisa
Friday, July 15, 2011
MEOW!
It was a MOST unusual full moon last night! Actually I'd been feeling the energy of it the last few days, but yesterday just seemed to be full of unpredicability.
Emilee and I went to run a few errands and ended up at Sonic, where we unexpectedly (and happily!) met up with some friends. After we got home, I got so productive working that hours flew by. Next thing I knew it was 10pm and I was still convincing Emilee it was time for bed (like mother, like daughter!).
Suddenly, we heard the loudest, most pitiful meows coming from downstairs. I had left the front door open for the delightful breeze. Bella (our wonderful kitty) went running to see "who" it was...Outside the storm door on the front porch was the most desperate looking kitten! She was meowing and pawing at the glass, little nose up against the window...Bella was on the inside meowing back to her, big compassionate eyes looking at kitten, looking at me, looking at kitten and pawing back at the little thing on the other side of the glass.
Emilee of course said, "Let it in, let it in!". I thought about it a few moments, but that poor little thing looked too desperate for me to linger any longer. I picked up Bella (to ensure no unexpected cat fight!) and Em opened the door. That little thing just flew in the door and headed right for Bella's food dish all the way in the kitchen!
Once she got there, she devoured all the food left in the bowl. Then, resumed meowing. Funny thing is, Bella just sat and watched while the kitten ate her food. I think she knew. When kitten's belly was a little less hungry, she was feeling her "oats" apparently and decided to start trouble with Bella - hissing and growling. She explored to her heart's content and decided we had "acceptable" living quarters. Bella was incredibly patient with her, and while there were some exchanged hiss & growls, no paws were unsheathed for a fight ;). Mostly Bella just walked away or sat staring in uncharacteristic tolerance as the kitten did her best to appear big, strong, and mean. Wow.
I got a can of soft food from the pantry and put it on a paper plate. Kitten ate that too! It was obvious now that this kitty would be "overnighting" with us, so I set her up in our downstairs bathroom...litter box, food, water, bed.
Finally, by about 1am, Em and I got to bed.
This morning, kitten, now "temporarily" named Luna (came to us on the full moon and she's a bit of a luna-tic!)...is making herself totally at home. Ate a can of tuna, napping on and off, tormenting Bella now and again, exploring.
Poor little thing is fur and bones!!! I'm guessing she's about 4 months old is all. No telling how long she's been trying to survive out there on her own. We're checking to see if there are any "lost kitten" reports she matches and we'll run a "found" ad in the paper.
I have no illusions about how this usually goes. Still, I can't help but wonder if this is a message (Sarah Seidelmann, any thoughts? She had a lot to say, but I couldn't understand a word of it! Ha...), or part of some Divine plan I know nothing about right now.
Interesting how life works, isn't it? Synchronistic timing...The unfolding of unexpected blessings...Here I am on this journey to wellness and now a kitten - fighting for her survival (surely she was on her way to starvation) shows up at my front door asking for help - trusting that I will and throwing every last drop of her feisty fight for life at what must seem a large fluffy beast...saying with all her might, "I'm here, I'm getting what I need, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!" Hehe...
Can't help but think there's a message here. And you know what - kitties always seem to show up exactly when I need them - to inspire me, shift my focus, fill me joy, and purrrr me right into the vortex ;). How cool is that?!
Next post I'll fill you in on some test results...
Have a wonderful, sensual Friday evening!
xoxo
Lisa
Emilee and I went to run a few errands and ended up at Sonic, where we unexpectedly (and happily!) met up with some friends. After we got home, I got so productive working that hours flew by. Next thing I knew it was 10pm and I was still convincing Emilee it was time for bed (like mother, like daughter!).
Suddenly, we heard the loudest, most pitiful meows coming from downstairs. I had left the front door open for the delightful breeze. Bella (our wonderful kitty) went running to see "who" it was...Outside the storm door on the front porch was the most desperate looking kitten! She was meowing and pawing at the glass, little nose up against the window...Bella was on the inside meowing back to her, big compassionate eyes looking at kitten, looking at me, looking at kitten and pawing back at the little thing on the other side of the glass.
Emilee of course said, "Let it in, let it in!". I thought about it a few moments, but that poor little thing looked too desperate for me to linger any longer. I picked up Bella (to ensure no unexpected cat fight!) and Em opened the door. That little thing just flew in the door and headed right for Bella's food dish all the way in the kitchen!
Once she got there, she devoured all the food left in the bowl. Then, resumed meowing. Funny thing is, Bella just sat and watched while the kitten ate her food. I think she knew. When kitten's belly was a little less hungry, she was feeling her "oats" apparently and decided to start trouble with Bella - hissing and growling. She explored to her heart's content and decided we had "acceptable" living quarters. Bella was incredibly patient with her, and while there were some exchanged hiss & growls, no paws were unsheathed for a fight ;). Mostly Bella just walked away or sat staring in uncharacteristic tolerance as the kitten did her best to appear big, strong, and mean. Wow.
I got a can of soft food from the pantry and put it on a paper plate. Kitten ate that too! It was obvious now that this kitty would be "overnighting" with us, so I set her up in our downstairs bathroom...litter box, food, water, bed.
Finally, by about 1am, Em and I got to bed.
This morning, kitten, now "temporarily" named Luna (came to us on the full moon and she's a bit of a luna-tic!)...is making herself totally at home. Ate a can of tuna, napping on and off, tormenting Bella now and again, exploring.
Poor little thing is fur and bones!!! I'm guessing she's about 4 months old is all. No telling how long she's been trying to survive out there on her own. We're checking to see if there are any "lost kitten" reports she matches and we'll run a "found" ad in the paper.
I have no illusions about how this usually goes. Still, I can't help but wonder if this is a message (Sarah Seidelmann, any thoughts? She had a lot to say, but I couldn't understand a word of it! Ha...), or part of some Divine plan I know nothing about right now.
Interesting how life works, isn't it? Synchronistic timing...The unfolding of unexpected blessings...Here I am on this journey to wellness and now a kitten - fighting for her survival (surely she was on her way to starvation) shows up at my front door asking for help - trusting that I will and throwing every last drop of her feisty fight for life at what must seem a large fluffy beast...saying with all her might, "I'm here, I'm getting what I need, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!" Hehe...
Can't help but think there's a message here. And you know what - kitties always seem to show up exactly when I need them - to inspire me, shift my focus, fill me joy, and purrrr me right into the vortex ;). How cool is that?!
Next post I'll fill you in on some test results...
Have a wonderful, sensual Friday evening!
xoxo
Lisa
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
More tests
Tuesday morning was spent at the hospital being poked and prodded...I say that kind of humorously because they are so wonderful there. I have never once encountered anyone at Lourdes who has been less than exceptional in every way!
I had an 8am appointment and I was my usual 10 minutes late. I seem to have lost those 10 minutes sometime years ago - and I just haven't ever been able to catch up since!! They already know me at the Breast Care Center - don't know if that happens with everyone or just me, but as soon as I walked through the door the woman at the desk said, "Good morning Lisa". Very cool!
I filled out the paperwork for my genetic testing and went to the lab to have my blood drawn. They were able to draw my pre-op labs at the same time, so one needle stick and three vials of blood later, and I was done in the lab.
Then, off to diagnostic imaging for my MRI. The good news - I got to see my cousin Paulette (who works in that dept.) and there were donuts, muffins, and ahhhhh coffee!! I had been fasting since midnight, so it was a welcome sight. The bad news? Well...MRI with contrast means an IV. Yuk. More poking.
The nurse and technician were fabulous though - and in fact I had a really nice conversation with the nurse about my coaching practice. She suggested that women in health care could really use my message of self-care and appreciation...Hmmm...good idea! Maybe I could offer a seminar or something ;). At the end she gave me a big hug and said that talking to me hhad brightened her whole day. Wow!! That actually made my day!
The MRI went ok. They tell you the contrast could cause nausea or a funny taste in your mouth, but I was fine. Unless you've had one - you can't imagine how you're positioned on the table during the test! Just glad it's over for now - and God bless technology!
I'll have MRI results this week sometime. Genetic testing perhaps by the end of next week. Then we shall see.
I start therapy for my frozen shoulder again on Monday. It's excruciatingly painful - but there's just no easier way to do it. I need that arm back to full power, and full range of motion!
What I really need right now though is some sleep! Fatigue has been hitting me hard. I think my body is working really hard trying to heal itself - physically and emotionally. I guess I better listen this time ;).
Goodnight,
Lisa
I had an 8am appointment and I was my usual 10 minutes late. I seem to have lost those 10 minutes sometime years ago - and I just haven't ever been able to catch up since!! They already know me at the Breast Care Center - don't know if that happens with everyone or just me, but as soon as I walked through the door the woman at the desk said, "Good morning Lisa". Very cool!
I filled out the paperwork for my genetic testing and went to the lab to have my blood drawn. They were able to draw my pre-op labs at the same time, so one needle stick and three vials of blood later, and I was done in the lab.
Then, off to diagnostic imaging for my MRI. The good news - I got to see my cousin Paulette (who works in that dept.) and there were donuts, muffins, and ahhhhh coffee!! I had been fasting since midnight, so it was a welcome sight. The bad news? Well...MRI with contrast means an IV. Yuk. More poking.
The nurse and technician were fabulous though - and in fact I had a really nice conversation with the nurse about my coaching practice. She suggested that women in health care could really use my message of self-care and appreciation...Hmmm...good idea! Maybe I could offer a seminar or something ;). At the end she gave me a big hug and said that talking to me hhad brightened her whole day. Wow!! That actually made my day!
The MRI went ok. They tell you the contrast could cause nausea or a funny taste in your mouth, but I was fine. Unless you've had one - you can't imagine how you're positioned on the table during the test! Just glad it's over for now - and God bless technology!
I'll have MRI results this week sometime. Genetic testing perhaps by the end of next week. Then we shall see.
I start therapy for my frozen shoulder again on Monday. It's excruciatingly painful - but there's just no easier way to do it. I need that arm back to full power, and full range of motion!
What I really need right now though is some sleep! Fatigue has been hitting me hard. I think my body is working really hard trying to heal itself - physically and emotionally. I guess I better listen this time ;).
Goodnight,
Lisa
Monday, July 11, 2011
I Am Fine No Matter What...
Hello dear friends & family!
If I’ve invited you to follow this blog, you are someone who is very important to me – each in your own way. If you are coming to this without knowing what’s been happening in my life lately – I’m sorry I wasn’t able to share this news with you in a more personal way. It just hasn't been possible to contact everyone individually. Know that you are important to me and that I love you all!
This is simply a means of conserving my energy – energy triage, if you will. And, I'm a writer - it makes sense! I need to guard my energy in other ways as well. I cannot talk cancer 24/7, rehash test results or what the doctors have said (blah, blah, blah!) over and over again, and expect to manifest health, healing, and peace. So, catch up on news of my health here and if you see me or talk to me on the phone - let's talk good stuff! I am fine - really.
Life is for the living – and I intend to continue to live it mindfully, passionately, sensually…savoring every single moment, as if it were the last.
And really, that’s how we all should live anyway! I have been given a gift. I get to live like I am dying – and live to tell about it!! We’re all dying, in one way or another, at one time or another, some faster, some slower, right from the moment we’re born. I’m not intending to move in that direction anytime soon – so, there’s some stuff I’m going to have to journey through.
First, let me catch you up to date. On June 20th, at a routine annual visit with my doctor, a lump was found in my left breast. It took my breath away when he found it. That same week, I had a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound – to take a closer look (so to speak!). The radiologist didn’t like what he saw – despite the fact that my breasts ARE fabulous (hehe) - so I made an appointment with a surgeon.
Exactly one week after the lump was first found, I had a surgical biopsy. Four days later, on June 30th, I got the preliminary pathology report and learned I had breast cancer.
By then I wasn’t surprised. I kind of felt it coming. After the initial upset when the lump was first discovered, I had found my way back to center. Found a way to appreciate the positives, let go of resistance, and script a new story. MANY thanks to Lisa Hayes & Jeannette Maw for guiding me through that process! You are brilliant coaches, the best mentors EVER and two of the most amazing Bff’s I have ever had!! My new mantra became “I am fine no matter what, no conditions, no bargaining”. Wow! What a difference it made - and still makes! No longer just a statement, it is my truth.
Anyway, I had a sense of what was coming next – and unpleasant as it was, I felt ready. A lumpectomy, radiation, done by early fall. My next visit with the surgeon was the following Thursday – July 7th. It didn’t go exactly as I had envisioned.
After further testing, I was diagnosed with “triple negative breast cancer”. For those unfamiliar with the medical terms, it’s a less common sub-class of breast cancer. (ahhh yes...I've always been unique!) It tends to be more aggressive, faster growing, with a higher rate of recurrence. The triple negative refers to the fact there are no estrogen, progesterone, or HER2 receptors present. Women who get triple negative breast cancer often have the BRAC1/BRAC2 gene mutation (the notorious “breast cancer gene”– but not always).
The good news is, it responds to chemo. The bad news is, it requires chemo (something I was hoping to avoid!). But, good, bad, indifferent – it is what it is, and I must do what I must do.
So, more tests. I’m having genetic testing tomorrow (Tue, July 12) and an MRI with contrast of both breasts. The MRI results will come back pretty quickly. The genetic testing results won’t be back to us for 10 working days (end of July). Until then, everything is pretty much on hold. It’s best to have ALL the data before planning our strategy.
That leaves me with a couple weeks “reprieve” before all the fun begins. I’m going to use it wisely – living my life the best way I know how – fearlessly, sensually, fully present. I’ll also be working on convincing my right shoulder to move again – ha! I’ve had adhesive capsulitis (frozen shoulder) for quite a while now and if any of you have experienced that personally, you know how stubborn and painful recovery can be! Yeah…that 50 year maintenance interval can certainly be a bitch!!
On the bright side, some of you may know that Emilee and I moved into our new home on June 1st – and we absolutely LOVE it!! It’s a very spacious three bedroom townhouse. The owners of the home live right next door (we lease) and they are fabulous too! Our yard is an amazing oasis of nature – meticulously & lovingly tended. The design of the house is light and bright – welcoming nature in through great big windows. In the winter, there’s a gas fireplace and radiant heat to keep us warm. The energy here is unmistakably positive. A more perfect place to heal right now I can scarcely imagine!
Most (if not all) of you probably know that I’m self-employed and have been since Emilee was born over 11 years ago (with the exception of a year and a half as Director of Community Relations for our region’s Chamber of Commerce). My PR/Communications Consulting firm, The Write Strategy, is going strong. I have some very cool projects right now and intend to keep things going throughout this process.
In addition, I am well on my way to earning my Coaching Certification and have launched (or at least started to launch!) my coaching practice called Deliberate Sensuality. It’s really me, sharing what I love most – LOVE…love of life, love of fun, self-love, love of others, love of delicious pleasures, love of LOVE!
My ideal client is someone who feels they’ve lost that lust for life – their passion for joy, pleasure, love. I believe in savoring life – moment by precious moment. I’d like to assist others in doing the same. I will also be focusing on women who are in relationships (married, dating, etc…) who find they have lost their libido – and want it back. It’s so common and there are many reasons…most of all STRESS, over-scheduling, too much multi-tasking, not enough self-care or self love. Getting it back means getting out of our heads and into our bodies, mindfully, with a true appreciation for the delicious sensations it provides us. Deliberate Sensuality! My new website is almost done - I'll keep you posted.
Some of you reading this may not fully “get” all that, or approve, or agree with it – and it’s OK. You get to be you, I get to be me! That’s the beauty of life and acceptance!
And now, I think I’ve caught you all up on things. I can’t promise how often I’ll update this – whether it will be daily, weekly, or whatever…but, I can promise that when there’s a development with my breast cancer, I will let you know. Meanwhile, you never know what I might write about! Never has it been more crystal clear to me that we get one shot at this – there is no option but to make the most of it!
One last thing…There are so many other women, who have had to be so much braver, facing much tougher situations than I am facing...some who gave their all and still lost the fight. I bow to you, my sisters, and I am humbly grateful.
If you are reading this, you are supporting me in some way and I want you to know that I appreciate it - tremendously! Many of you have already offered to assist in different ways. Rest assured I will be reaching out to accept your offers when the time comes. Part of the lesson unfolding for me here is about receiving…it’s also about self care, something I haven’t always made a priority. Trust me – it’s front and center now.
Also front & center...my longest-time and “bestest” friend, Betty Ann, who despite her crazy schedule and juggled priorities, has been there for me every step of the way. There’s no way that I can express the depth of my gratitude in words, other than thank you and I love you!
Until next time…stay well & savor the moments!!
Love,
Lisa
P.S. If you got this far - I promise - they won't all be this long ;).
If I’ve invited you to follow this blog, you are someone who is very important to me – each in your own way. If you are coming to this without knowing what’s been happening in my life lately – I’m sorry I wasn’t able to share this news with you in a more personal way. It just hasn't been possible to contact everyone individually. Know that you are important to me and that I love you all!
This is simply a means of conserving my energy – energy triage, if you will. And, I'm a writer - it makes sense! I need to guard my energy in other ways as well. I cannot talk cancer 24/7, rehash test results or what the doctors have said (blah, blah, blah!) over and over again, and expect to manifest health, healing, and peace. So, catch up on news of my health here and if you see me or talk to me on the phone - let's talk good stuff! I am fine - really.
Life is for the living – and I intend to continue to live it mindfully, passionately, sensually…savoring every single moment, as if it were the last.
And really, that’s how we all should live anyway! I have been given a gift. I get to live like I am dying – and live to tell about it!! We’re all dying, in one way or another, at one time or another, some faster, some slower, right from the moment we’re born. I’m not intending to move in that direction anytime soon – so, there’s some stuff I’m going to have to journey through.
First, let me catch you up to date. On June 20th, at a routine annual visit with my doctor, a lump was found in my left breast. It took my breath away when he found it. That same week, I had a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound – to take a closer look (so to speak!). The radiologist didn’t like what he saw – despite the fact that my breasts ARE fabulous (hehe) - so I made an appointment with a surgeon.
Exactly one week after the lump was first found, I had a surgical biopsy. Four days later, on June 30th, I got the preliminary pathology report and learned I had breast cancer.
By then I wasn’t surprised. I kind of felt it coming. After the initial upset when the lump was first discovered, I had found my way back to center. Found a way to appreciate the positives, let go of resistance, and script a new story. MANY thanks to Lisa Hayes & Jeannette Maw for guiding me through that process! You are brilliant coaches, the best mentors EVER and two of the most amazing Bff’s I have ever had!! My new mantra became “I am fine no matter what, no conditions, no bargaining”. Wow! What a difference it made - and still makes! No longer just a statement, it is my truth.
Anyway, I had a sense of what was coming next – and unpleasant as it was, I felt ready. A lumpectomy, radiation, done by early fall. My next visit with the surgeon was the following Thursday – July 7th. It didn’t go exactly as I had envisioned.
After further testing, I was diagnosed with “triple negative breast cancer”. For those unfamiliar with the medical terms, it’s a less common sub-class of breast cancer. (ahhh yes...I've always been unique!) It tends to be more aggressive, faster growing, with a higher rate of recurrence. The triple negative refers to the fact there are no estrogen, progesterone, or HER2 receptors present. Women who get triple negative breast cancer often have the BRAC1/BRAC2 gene mutation (the notorious “breast cancer gene”– but not always).
The good news is, it responds to chemo. The bad news is, it requires chemo (something I was hoping to avoid!). But, good, bad, indifferent – it is what it is, and I must do what I must do.
So, more tests. I’m having genetic testing tomorrow (Tue, July 12) and an MRI with contrast of both breasts. The MRI results will come back pretty quickly. The genetic testing results won’t be back to us for 10 working days (end of July). Until then, everything is pretty much on hold. It’s best to have ALL the data before planning our strategy.
That leaves me with a couple weeks “reprieve” before all the fun begins. I’m going to use it wisely – living my life the best way I know how – fearlessly, sensually, fully present. I’ll also be working on convincing my right shoulder to move again – ha! I’ve had adhesive capsulitis (frozen shoulder) for quite a while now and if any of you have experienced that personally, you know how stubborn and painful recovery can be! Yeah…that 50 year maintenance interval can certainly be a bitch!!
On the bright side, some of you may know that Emilee and I moved into our new home on June 1st – and we absolutely LOVE it!! It’s a very spacious three bedroom townhouse. The owners of the home live right next door (we lease) and they are fabulous too! Our yard is an amazing oasis of nature – meticulously & lovingly tended. The design of the house is light and bright – welcoming nature in through great big windows. In the winter, there’s a gas fireplace and radiant heat to keep us warm. The energy here is unmistakably positive. A more perfect place to heal right now I can scarcely imagine!
Most (if not all) of you probably know that I’m self-employed and have been since Emilee was born over 11 years ago (with the exception of a year and a half as Director of Community Relations for our region’s Chamber of Commerce). My PR/Communications Consulting firm, The Write Strategy, is going strong. I have some very cool projects right now and intend to keep things going throughout this process.
In addition, I am well on my way to earning my Coaching Certification and have launched (or at least started to launch!) my coaching practice called Deliberate Sensuality. It’s really me, sharing what I love most – LOVE…love of life, love of fun, self-love, love of others, love of delicious pleasures, love of LOVE!
My ideal client is someone who feels they’ve lost that lust for life – their passion for joy, pleasure, love. I believe in savoring life – moment by precious moment. I’d like to assist others in doing the same. I will also be focusing on women who are in relationships (married, dating, etc…) who find they have lost their libido – and want it back. It’s so common and there are many reasons…most of all STRESS, over-scheduling, too much multi-tasking, not enough self-care or self love. Getting it back means getting out of our heads and into our bodies, mindfully, with a true appreciation for the delicious sensations it provides us. Deliberate Sensuality! My new website is almost done - I'll keep you posted.
Some of you reading this may not fully “get” all that, or approve, or agree with it – and it’s OK. You get to be you, I get to be me! That’s the beauty of life and acceptance!
And now, I think I’ve caught you all up on things. I can’t promise how often I’ll update this – whether it will be daily, weekly, or whatever…but, I can promise that when there’s a development with my breast cancer, I will let you know. Meanwhile, you never know what I might write about! Never has it been more crystal clear to me that we get one shot at this – there is no option but to make the most of it!
One last thing…There are so many other women, who have had to be so much braver, facing much tougher situations than I am facing...some who gave their all and still lost the fight. I bow to you, my sisters, and I am humbly grateful.
If you are reading this, you are supporting me in some way and I want you to know that I appreciate it - tremendously! Many of you have already offered to assist in different ways. Rest assured I will be reaching out to accept your offers when the time comes. Part of the lesson unfolding for me here is about receiving…it’s also about self care, something I haven’t always made a priority. Trust me – it’s front and center now.
Also front & center...my longest-time and “bestest” friend, Betty Ann, who despite her crazy schedule and juggled priorities, has been there for me every step of the way. There’s no way that I can express the depth of my gratitude in words, other than thank you and I love you!
Until next time…stay well & savor the moments!!
Love,
Lisa
P.S. If you got this far - I promise - they won't all be this long ;).
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