I am happy to report that I am finally nearing the end of my treatments! Although my journey will continue for quite some time as I heal and regain my strength, I will at least be done with the "active" treatments. My final session of radiation is scheduled for Friday, March 2nd.
While radiation has been no "walk in the park" for me, it has certainly been much more easily tolerated than the chemo. I chose my own alternatives to the standard Aquaphor ointment that's recommended for skincare during radiation - and instead used Pure Therapeutic Grade (very important distinction!) Lavender Essential Oil (Young Living Essential Oils), organic Vitamin E cream, and my Young Living Lavender Cream. At times, I also used Young Living pure Rose Ointment.
For those of you who don't know, I've been using and studying "the oils" (as I affectionately call them), for about 12 years now. I also teach classes (now and again) and sell them as an independent distributor for Young Living and through my business which I call Angelic Assistance.
I've been happy with my decision to use my own products and it's served me well. My doctor has also been very pleased with the way my skin has tolerated the treatments - burns didn't set in until the last couple of weeks. Even at that, they are not as severe as some women experience. The only area that really bothers me is under my arm, at the site of the incision where they removed lymph nodes. Tough spot for burns, since you can't easily prevent the friction from your arm.I also have a swollen area there - normal inflammation as a result of the treatments. Ibuprofen helps with that.
I'm still profoundly fatigued. More fatigued than I have been in my entire life! It keeps me from doing all I'd like, but it is getting better slowly. I've found that my body insists on 10 hours of sleep per night, something I only manage to achieve on weekends. Naps are always part of the plan late afternoon, but you know what they say about the "best laid plans of mice and men..." right?! Ha. I did just jump on board with Deepak Chopra's 21-day Meditation Challenge though. A step in the right direction to be sure. A break for a 10-15 meditation beats no nap!
I found that the phenomenon called "chemo brain" actually got worse for me after chemo was done. One of the many surprises and all part of the unpredictability I learned to accept over the past eight months. What I also learned though, is that for me, there is a direct correlation to fatigue. When I'm well rested (gettin' those 10 hours my body craves) the brain fog is less noticeable. Huh...go figure, right?!
Still working on getting my "normal" healthy nails back. No biggie. My hair is growing back like a lawn in Springtime! I'll have to work on getting some new photos to post. But, here's the BEST part...It is softer than I ever could have imagined!! So soft, that I can't take my hands off my head!! Hehehe ;). I can only compare it to a horse's nose (if you've ever pet one, you know how velvety soft that can be!), or a silky kitty's ear, or a bunny! Still very, very short - and it looks quite dark right now, so we'll just have to wait and see how that all turns out. I was happy to get my eyebrows and eye lashes back...you don't think about the many ways your eye lashes serve you until they're gone! From now on I'll be thankful every day for them ;).
Well...I want to let everyone know where I am at with things, so I'll end this post for now. I do have so much more I want to say, things I want to do...but, I'm learning to be "okay" with doing what I can, when I can and knowing that tomorrow is another day.
More soon! Thanks as always for your love and support!
xoxo
Lisa
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Busy Resting
Oh my! It's been much longer than I realized since my last blog post! And...while it may seem like an oxymoron, mostly I've been busy resting.
What began as a conscious decision to take a step back, go within and generally "regroup" before completing my last few chemo treatments, ended up feeling so good that time slipped right past me! Which is not the same as saying that my last few chemo treatments felt good...ha! Just the contrary. But, the introspective time brought so many blessings that I found myself craving more and more.
If you know me very well at all, that may come as a surprise. I tend to be outgoing, talkative (in the extreme some might even say!), social...but I have always said that I have a strong introspective, quiet side as well. It's a part of me that people (even those close to me) rarely take the time to discover or acknowledge. This was my opportunity to honor the quiet spirit that lies within me...and honor it I did.
My final chemo treatment was December 21st. I must say - it knocked me for a loop! I'm told it was to be expected. The effects of chemo are cumulative and by that 8th treatment my body was pretty weak. I'm grateful that there wasn't a 9th!
I called the Christmas season this year - "the holidays that weren't". Couldn't even really celebrate the fact that chemo was over because I was far too sick and too tired. I became so weak that climbing the stairs felt like climbing a mountain. My legs could barely manage on their own. I needed the railing for support. Chemo had wiped me out.
One of the things that surprised me a little was how the side effects kept coming long after that last treatment. My eyebrows & eyelashes hung in there until Christmas - at which point they all fell out. Naked eyes. Interesting. My nails had been suffering damage all along - particularly my toenails, but now my fingernails got discolored and began buckling. Very odd. The numbness in my fingers and toes continued. And the fatigue...ugh. It is the most profound fatigue I have ever experienced in my life and it's a long way from gone. Chemo brain, the fuzzy thinking and cognitive issues associated with chemo, also feels worse now than it did a couple of months ago.
Another surprise was how quickly radiation began after chemo. I thought I'd have the month of January off, but they did my scans on January 9th and started radiation Jan 16th. It knocked me off center for a few days, but I soon made the mental adjustments and it hasn't been bad so far. Every single day, Monday through Friday, I go to the hospital and "get my glow on". It doesn't take long, but it does take a chunk out of my day - between driving there and back and the treatment, probably an hour and a half. I'll be doing that until sometime in March. Noticing "tan lines" recently, but no burns at this point. Here's to the intention that I never do get any burns!
Emotionally, I've found that the transition from chemo to radiation is also interesting...It's an odd sense of missing the peace and bliss of the "good days" during chemo. You see, with chemo there's a very sharp contrast between your good days and your bad days. For most of my four months of treatments, I would have one week of really bad, 3 days of which would make me wonder if chemo would be the thing that would kill me. But then there would be that other week - the good one, at least 3 days of which would give me an experience of complete and total peace, bliss, and appreciation for life. It's honestly nothing that can be described in words. You have to experience it for yourself...and I don't think that many people truly do.
Anyway - I'm planning to write a whole blog post about it very soon. Meanwhile, I'm learning to take "turtle steps" now. (Thank you Laura English for helping me come up with that metaphor!). I extend my head out of my shell, take a step forward, and then I stop - checking in with all of my senses, including my all-important sixth sense, before deciding whether to a) take another step forward, b) change direction, or c) pull back inside my shell. Fortunately, I've become so in touch with my own rhythms and intuition that it's an easy "check-in" for me.
Which brings me back to my title, "Busy Resting". What my body craves, I do my best to give it. Right now it craves sleep. I get up, get my daughter off to school and often crawl right back into bed for a couple more hours. By 4 or 5 pm, a nap is usually imminent. I do what I can until it no longer feels good. If it doesn't feel good, you can bet I won't be forcing myself to do it. All that napping takes time. As do the very long, hot showers. Then, there's the daily trips to radiation treatments. I'm never, ever bored. There's always plenty to do - things I WANT to do, but don't always have time to do. That's a big part of the reason I've been so quiet lately. I'm sorry if I've left some of you hanging, or worried.
It's funny, at the beginning of this journey, my computer was like my lifeline - keeping me connected. But, at some point along the way, my priorities shifted and the one connection that superseded all others was my connection to me. With little energy to spare, it was all I could manage for a while.
But, I'm back with lots of blog posts coming up for you and lots to share! Stay with me as I leap back into life. If you have a burning question about what I've been through, feel free to ask it! I'm hoping to put together a couple of e-books. One of them will definitely be humorous, since my sense of humor got me through a LOT of this journey! I am also considering how I can serve others going through a similar experience. I have some ideas, but nothing set in stone yet, so stay tuned.
One final note...I have been selected as a presenter for the Blissful Living & Loving Virtual Conference which begins tomorrow, Feb 6 and continues through Feb 23. My presentation, Inviting the Passion Back Into Your Life, is scheduled for Feb 14 (how perfect is that?!) at noon. Click on the conference title above for a link to information on the conference. They have options available that include the recordings of every presentation as well as access to the live calls, and once the conference begins, I believe there will be links to purchase individual presentations as well. If you're at all interested, I urge you to check it out - and if nothing else, please wish me well! It's a very exciting time for me. I'm finally now launching the coaching practice that I was ABOUT to launch when all this happened. Whoo hoo!!! What a way to do it - and what a great time to do it!!
If you'd like more information about my coaching practice, visit me at Deliberate Sensuality. My website will be undergoing some updates and improvements over the next few months as I get back up to speed, but there's a lot of great stuff already there, so feel free to check it out!
Until next post...thank you!! Thanks for reading, thanks for sticking by my side as I made my way through all this, thanks for your thoughts, prayers, and positive energy! It's not over yet - but then again, it never is, right? What an adventure life is! How does it get any better than this?!
Love you all!!
Lisa
What began as a conscious decision to take a step back, go within and generally "regroup" before completing my last few chemo treatments, ended up feeling so good that time slipped right past me! Which is not the same as saying that my last few chemo treatments felt good...ha! Just the contrary. But, the introspective time brought so many blessings that I found myself craving more and more.
If you know me very well at all, that may come as a surprise. I tend to be outgoing, talkative (in the extreme some might even say!), social...but I have always said that I have a strong introspective, quiet side as well. It's a part of me that people (even those close to me) rarely take the time to discover or acknowledge. This was my opportunity to honor the quiet spirit that lies within me...and honor it I did.
My final chemo treatment was December 21st. I must say - it knocked me for a loop! I'm told it was to be expected. The effects of chemo are cumulative and by that 8th treatment my body was pretty weak. I'm grateful that there wasn't a 9th!
I called the Christmas season this year - "the holidays that weren't". Couldn't even really celebrate the fact that chemo was over because I was far too sick and too tired. I became so weak that climbing the stairs felt like climbing a mountain. My legs could barely manage on their own. I needed the railing for support. Chemo had wiped me out.
One of the things that surprised me a little was how the side effects kept coming long after that last treatment. My eyebrows & eyelashes hung in there until Christmas - at which point they all fell out. Naked eyes. Interesting. My nails had been suffering damage all along - particularly my toenails, but now my fingernails got discolored and began buckling. Very odd. The numbness in my fingers and toes continued. And the fatigue...ugh. It is the most profound fatigue I have ever experienced in my life and it's a long way from gone. Chemo brain, the fuzzy thinking and cognitive issues associated with chemo, also feels worse now than it did a couple of months ago.
Another surprise was how quickly radiation began after chemo. I thought I'd have the month of January off, but they did my scans on January 9th and started radiation Jan 16th. It knocked me off center for a few days, but I soon made the mental adjustments and it hasn't been bad so far. Every single day, Monday through Friday, I go to the hospital and "get my glow on". It doesn't take long, but it does take a chunk out of my day - between driving there and back and the treatment, probably an hour and a half. I'll be doing that until sometime in March. Noticing "tan lines" recently, but no burns at this point. Here's to the intention that I never do get any burns!
Emotionally, I've found that the transition from chemo to radiation is also interesting...It's an odd sense of missing the peace and bliss of the "good days" during chemo. You see, with chemo there's a very sharp contrast between your good days and your bad days. For most of my four months of treatments, I would have one week of really bad, 3 days of which would make me wonder if chemo would be the thing that would kill me. But then there would be that other week - the good one, at least 3 days of which would give me an experience of complete and total peace, bliss, and appreciation for life. It's honestly nothing that can be described in words. You have to experience it for yourself...and I don't think that many people truly do.
Anyway - I'm planning to write a whole blog post about it very soon. Meanwhile, I'm learning to take "turtle steps" now. (Thank you Laura English for helping me come up with that metaphor!). I extend my head out of my shell, take a step forward, and then I stop - checking in with all of my senses, including my all-important sixth sense, before deciding whether to a) take another step forward, b) change direction, or c) pull back inside my shell. Fortunately, I've become so in touch with my own rhythms and intuition that it's an easy "check-in" for me.
Which brings me back to my title, "Busy Resting". What my body craves, I do my best to give it. Right now it craves sleep. I get up, get my daughter off to school and often crawl right back into bed for a couple more hours. By 4 or 5 pm, a nap is usually imminent. I do what I can until it no longer feels good. If it doesn't feel good, you can bet I won't be forcing myself to do it. All that napping takes time. As do the very long, hot showers. Then, there's the daily trips to radiation treatments. I'm never, ever bored. There's always plenty to do - things I WANT to do, but don't always have time to do. That's a big part of the reason I've been so quiet lately. I'm sorry if I've left some of you hanging, or worried.
It's funny, at the beginning of this journey, my computer was like my lifeline - keeping me connected. But, at some point along the way, my priorities shifted and the one connection that superseded all others was my connection to me. With little energy to spare, it was all I could manage for a while.
But, I'm back with lots of blog posts coming up for you and lots to share! Stay with me as I leap back into life. If you have a burning question about what I've been through, feel free to ask it! I'm hoping to put together a couple of e-books. One of them will definitely be humorous, since my sense of humor got me through a LOT of this journey! I am also considering how I can serve others going through a similar experience. I have some ideas, but nothing set in stone yet, so stay tuned.
One final note...I have been selected as a presenter for the Blissful Living & Loving Virtual Conference which begins tomorrow, Feb 6 and continues through Feb 23. My presentation, Inviting the Passion Back Into Your Life, is scheduled for Feb 14 (how perfect is that?!) at noon. Click on the conference title above for a link to information on the conference. They have options available that include the recordings of every presentation as well as access to the live calls, and once the conference begins, I believe there will be links to purchase individual presentations as well. If you're at all interested, I urge you to check it out - and if nothing else, please wish me well! It's a very exciting time for me. I'm finally now launching the coaching practice that I was ABOUT to launch when all this happened. Whoo hoo!!! What a way to do it - and what a great time to do it!!
If you'd like more information about my coaching practice, visit me at Deliberate Sensuality. My website will be undergoing some updates and improvements over the next few months as I get back up to speed, but there's a lot of great stuff already there, so feel free to check it out!
Until next post...thank you!! Thanks for reading, thanks for sticking by my side as I made my way through all this, thanks for your thoughts, prayers, and positive energy! It's not over yet - but then again, it never is, right? What an adventure life is! How does it get any better than this?!
Love you all!!
Lisa
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