Day 1 - Boston

Hello from Boston! 

I know a lot of you are anxiously awaiting updates...It's been a very busy day and I haven't really had time to be in touch. We're staying with my cousin Cheryl and her family, who live in Hopkinton - just outside of Boston. It's close in terms of miles, but a long drive based on traffic. So grateful to her for her hospitality though - warm bed, yummy dinners waiting, sweet pets...;). 

We left early this morning, had a full day of consults and registration paperwork, and a long drive home through rush hour traffic tonight. Thank God for Maryann! She's done all the driving. I wouldn't even be physically capable of it right now (much less mentally - ha!), due to the pain in my chest and back. Plus, she knows Boston, so no worries about getting lost. I'd say we did pretty darn well today! 

As for news...I saw the thoracic surgeon at Brigham & Women's today. He's one of the very best in the country - Dr. Sugarbaker. He agreed to take my case and feels very confident about achieving the goals of the surgery. It's major surgery, but not risky in the same way that say, open heart surgery is. Basically, long incision down the middle of my chest, they remove ("resect" in surgical terms) the affected lymph glands and my sternum, then reconstruct the sternum out of hard synthetic materials. A plastic surgeon would work side-by-side with him to "pretty things up", as much as possible. Key is, we get the cancer out and eliminate the problem causing the intense pain. I'd be here in Boston about a week, then recovering at home about 5 weeks. 

Once I'm recovered from surgery, I'd begin chemo and after that radiation. Those treatments would be back home at Lourdes Hospital - with my doctors and the doctors here collaborating. Presumably. I won't know that plan for sure until tomorrow morning when I meet with the oncologist here at Dana Farber. In fact, until I meet with her, nothing is etched in stone about the surgery either. But, she (Dr. Kathryn Ruddy) and Dr. Sugarbaker have consulted on my case already and I expect to have a pretty good sense of where all this is going by the time I leave here tomorrow. 

All in all, I'm feeling much more optimistic than I was just before coming here - or en route here...which was a very anxious time for me. Much as I've grown my faith and ability to "let go" over the past year or so, I'm still not so good with the unknown and unpredictability! 

We'll see how I feel tomorrow. I should be on the road back home by noon. Hopefully, I'll be able to give you more of an update tomorrow night - but, more realistically, it may be Thursday. I'll need rest and thinking room after all this. It's quite a lot to take in. I am really very impressed with the medical facilities here though - the doctors and their staff. Very efficient; very friendly. I'll be sure to tell you more about all that when I get home. For now, I'm going to get some rest. 

Thank you all very much for your support, generosity, and kindness!! You have no idea how much it means to me to know that I have so many wonderful friends and family in my corner!!! 

Blessings & Bliss, 

Lisa

Expressing Gratitude and Setting Intentions

The last week has been a swirling vortex of preparation for me…preparing for my trip to Boston and ultimately, the longer journey that lies ahead. I’ll be leaving Monday, seeing a thoracic surgeon on Tuesday and a medical oncologist on Wednesday, before traveling back home. By the time I’m done there, I’ll know if I’m having surgery and when. Likely, it will be very soon. The plan for chemo may take longer, but that’s to follow surgery anyway.

But, here’s the thing…you know what they say about the “best laid plans…” Every time I think I know where this process is leading, I end up wrong. And this should not surprise me because this isn’t my first time down this road of unpredictability! Apparently, there is more to this lesson of acceptance and trust and letting go of resistance than I have learned thus far…so the lessons continue!

Bottom line – this is a serious and aggressive form of cancer, recurring in a part of my body that makes it very difficult to treat. I have the very best medical professionals helping me and I have the very best support network surrounding me with love. Prayers for my healing are echoing through the heavens and angels are smiling down at me – of this I am sure! Not much else is a sure bet at this moment.

So right now, while everything is still “up in the air”, I am setting my intentions:

•  To find ease in this process; peace in the advice I am given 
•  To accept all that happens without resistance, and instead, with the trust that somehow it’s all working out for my highest good and the highest good of all. 
•  To continue to savor and find joy in every moment – living life to the fullest; full of love! 
•  To find relief from pain is effortless, as I blanket myself in the energy of love 
•  To have the clarity, wisdom, and confidence to make good decisions 
•  To become so positively aligned with a cure, with wellness, vitality & bliss, that it cannot help but manifest in my physical reality! 
• And to know, at the very depth of my being, that all truly is well – no matter what. 

The last couple of days I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the impact that this diagnosis has on the people I love most – and all those who want to support and assist me. I wish with all my heart that I could take this burden from you! It’s not the burden of helping – giving has its own rewards – it’s the pain and worry that I know is there for you because of what I’m going through. I can only trust that there is a hidden blessing in all of this for you too.

And…on that note – I want to say how very grateful I am to all of you for your support. You show your love in so many different ways – your thoughts and prayers, encouraging comments, coaching and healing sessions, food, driving me around (special, special thanks to Maryann Wilcox for being my companion on the Boston trip!), hooking me up with amazing medical resources (thanks Marci!!), hosting me (my gracious cousin Cheryl in Boston!), and those who have shown their generosity and support financially.

Since I have had a few inquiries from friends wondering about my financial needs, I’d like to address that here…first of all with a HUGE thank you to those who have reached out and assisted me financially in the past. You have touched my heart and eased my stress in a very profound and generous way!

To those who feel inspired to do so now or in the future, I am open to your assistance. This has become bigger than I can cope with alone. I have had little if any income since my first surgery in August 2011 and it looks like I’m in for a much longer, more difficult journey this time. While I do have excellent health insurance (thank God!), there are still medical expenses that are not covered – and this time it looks like there may be travel expenses as well. I live a fairly austere life, but if I am unable to work for a period of time, even my day-to-day expenses will become a struggle. I no longer have “back up” resources.

So, vulnerable as I feel in sharing this here, I’m doing it anyway, in trust and love. Many of you know how to reach me, but for those who do not, I have a post office box that I use for business at: P.O. Box 105, Endicott, NY 13761-0105. I have also started a “Chip-In” fund that uses my PayPal account:


I will keep you posted on the results of my trip to Boston. Please keep the love, prayers and positive intentions flowing! Thank you!!!

Bliss & Blessings,

Lisa

Of Brighter Days and Bliss...

The months before my latest diagnosis were filled with laughter, love, fun, and a feeling of success in "beating" cancer. I moved forward in the direction of my dreams with more confidence and clarity than I've had in years. I felt fearless and filled with a renewed appreciation for life that I longed to share with others at every opportunity. 

Now, I'm drawing on all of those memories - reliving the feelings they inspired in me - and staying aligned with that sense of confidence, success, wellness and appreciation for life. You see, not only does that feel good, but it keeps me aligned with all that I desire to have now and in the future. It reminds me that I KNOW how to get through cancer - I've been there, done that! I know how to survive and thrive. I know how to find little glimpses of bliss on the darkest of days - and I know how to expand that little glimpse, until it becomes a ray of hope - a light that leads the way to brighter days.

This is a reminder of the value of experiencing life aware, present, and with all your senses!! When you do, you'll be able to recall those moments of bliss in a richer, fuller way. That leads to alignment and aligning with good, brings more good. Simple as that!

So...in the spirit of sharing, here are just a few of moments I will be remembering in the coming months...For me, they represent fun, ease, love, happy surprises, connection, friendship, confidence, clarity, and fearlessness. 

In mid-October, I was asked to be a runway model for local boutique, Portobello Row, at an event sponsored by Lourdes Hospital called, Spirit of Women. What fun!! Especially for a "ham" like me! I also had the opportunity to catch up with a few old friends & PR colleagues from Lourdes after the event, which was an unexpected pleasure that brought much joy to my heart. My dear friends Christine & Karen joined me there (my own personal paparazzi, they took the photos!). Afterwards, Christine had Chinese food waiting for me at her house - one of those simple gestures that mean so much - especially since I was starving! Modeling is hard work! Hehe ;). It was a night filled with laughter, old friends, new friends, and lots of  high vibes! 

Looking back at late August...a whole group of my BFFs, along with my sister, got together in secret and threw me a fabulous surprise 50th "do-over" birthday party. They had been planning it for months and somehow managed to keep me 100% in the dark, right up until the moment I walked in! While I think I looked better that night than this goofy picture in the birthday hat would depict, it gives you an idea of just how "all out" they went for me - tons of food, wine, balloons, theme decorations, friends & family. I was thrilled just to have another birthday to celebrate - age wasn't even a factor.

The next day, my parents hosted a big family dinner and we celebrated all over again. I have the BEST friends and family in the world!!
 
I was part of a different kind of family celebration in early October, when I toasted to my Goddaughter's future as she prepared to leave for Army basic training...At that moment, it seemed like just yesterday I was 18 years old, with all the hopes and dreams that go along with being a young adult. But you know what? 33 years later (yikes!!) I think I enjoy my life more and certainly appreciate it more, than I ever could have then...and I couldn't have gotten here, without the contrast of challenging times - or even the tragic ones. In fact, in many ways - I wouldn't change a single thing about my life right here, right now.

And finally, something that was very cathartic for me...a story that aired locally on Fox40 News, about my journey with triple negative breast cancer. It was a success story - told from the perspective of a survivor. I felt a sweet sense of closure after it aired. Little did I realize that just a few short weeks later, I'd be battling this nasty disease yet again.

So here we go...in many ways a familiar path - and that's okay because just like with anything else, experience is a good teacher. I've grown over the past year and a half - I'm better, stronger, more resilient, and more aligned with my desires than I was then. I know the value of keeping my eyes on the road and my hands on the wheel as I navigate through turbulence. And most of all, I know the value of savoring life - moment by delicious moment - something I fully intend to keep doing - no matter what. No conditions. No bargaining.

Thank you with all my heart for letting me share my thoughts with you!

Bliss & Blessings,
Lisa

Triple Negative Breast Cancer - Take Two

Should you ever doubt how quickly your life can change, consider this…Just one short month ago, I was celebrating the fact that I was cancer free; a survivor. Since then I have had countless blood tests, X-rays, CT Scans, nuclear bone scans, PET/CT Scans, a biopsy, and numerous physician consults…all of which delivered the one message no cancer survivor wants to hear – its back.

It began with chest pain in August. I thought it might be inflammation from the connective tissue healing in my rib cage and along my breast bone – a possible side effect of radiation called costochondritis. We tried ibuprofen and even prednisone, but it got worse instead of better. So, my doctor (who is absolutely brilliant & fabulous) decided further investigation was needed.

We discovered that the internal mammary lymph nodes just below my collarbone and along my breast bone were inflamed with cancer and that a large “c” shaped (how’s that for irony?!) cancerous lesion had destroyed part of my breast bone. The pathologist determined that the cancer cells are the same type they found in my breast – and since my breast drains into those lymph nodes, it seems reasonable to assume that’s where they originated. One of those nodes was resting against the breast bone and spread the disease there.

I guess this is one of those cases where you might say, “Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t”…At least it’s not lymphoma, or bone cancer, or something else. Instead it’s just that damn triple negative breast cancer back again to torment me. I really, truly thought I was done. Ha. When you’re triple negative, you’re never really done.

The day may come (and it probably will) when I can look at this and tell you how there was a beautiful lesson, or a blessing that occurred because of this turn of events, but today is not that day. I don’t discount that possibility – but today is not that day. And I’m giving myself that.

It’s also the reason I’m writing this blog post now and not several weeks ago. I needed time to digest all that was happening. I needed quiet to center myself and I needed a peaceful space as I waded through it all. And, I needed to have more information. So this is about as up-to-date as it gets thus far…though information is changing constantly.

It’s important to note that my treatment options are still being discussed and considered. I have an excellent team of doctors treating me here, most notably, my radiation oncologist who has been front and center with all this – Dr. Michael Fallon (I’m a HUGE fan, can you tell??!) and Dr. Joseph Readling, my cancer-fighting hero and medical oncologist – together, I call them my “dream team” ;).

Dr. Fallon has also been consulting with his colleagues and I’ll be planning a few road trips soon. The first will be to Brigham & Women’s in Boston - one the top 10 hospitals in the country. The Dana Farber/BW Women’s Cancer Center there is ranked number 5 in the nation. BWH is the teaching arm of Harvard Medical School.

Possible additional consults, if needed, include Sloan-Kettering (avoiding that right now due to all the storm damage & chaos), and Johns Hopkins…though I’m feeling like I may have this resolved after my visit to Boston.

Meanwhile, I’m being set up for more radiation here – something that takes time on the “back end” where medical physicists do AMAZING work with numbers and formulas ;). If I decide to opt out of surgery, radiation can begin immediately.

Suffice to say, I feel very well taken care of right now. And, I have an absolutely amazing network of support – including all of you!! So here’s what I need you to do for now…focus on visualizing us laughing and having fun together – I’m healthy, vibrant, and blissfully content! If you pray for me – pray prayers of thanksgiving for all the blessings I have been given and kindly ask that those blessing continue in abundance. Ask the Angels to surround me at all times - protecting me from everything but pure divine love.

Your notes of support, uplifting comments, check-ins…all mean so much to me…so keep ‘em coming! And I promise to keep you posted on any news this side of things. Just like last time around, this blog helps me to keep everyone who cares up-to-date, all at once – which helps me to continue to have a life outside of “cancer talk”. Very important in keeping my focus, my energy, and my emotions balanced.

Last, but not least, one final thought…

I opened this post talking about how quickly life can change - and while I’ve had plenty of examples of that in the last five years or so, I’m choosing to remember this:

Life DOES turn on a dime. Twists, turns, and surprises await us every day and sometimes it seems, around every corner. But that’s precisely when the most unexpected, mind-blowingly positive miracles can occur! Sometimes those twists and turns lead us to exactly the place we most want to be!

If life can change overnight – surely it can do so in either direction – for better or for worse. And I believe that we get to choose… so I’m choosing to welcome in some blissful changes! I’m choosing change for the better – whatever the path I need to follow to get me there.

And, I have to say…this is one crazy twisty-turny path Universe plotted out for me! I sure am curious to see where all this is going and how it is that I’ll get there! Meanwhile, I am open and ready to receive all the blessings that come my way – from expected and unexpected sources – with open arms, no resistance, and with much appreciation and gratitude ;).

All is well, no matter what. No conditions. No bargaining.

Bliss & Blessings,

Lisa