Controlling What You Can...

Ok - so my last post was about EASE and I've talked about letting go, but today it's about taking back my power - or better yet, not giving it up if I don't have to...because to me, it's just as important to control what you can, as it is to release your resistance to what is.

Yesterday was my appointment with the medical oncologist. That's the specialist responsible for my chemotherapy. The appointment was early - 8am - and despite my "not a morning person" ways, I was up and excited to go. Odd perhaps, but I was just feeling very ready to know the details - to get on with it.

So, I played my "vibe lifting" playlist while I got ready and found myself quite relaxed and happy.

The appointment went very smoothly. Almost no wait time (a nice change!) and my doc is the best ;). Bff/PHP Betty Ann came along, as did Emilee. For those of you who don't know her - my daughter is quite the mature 11 1/2 year old and we have always had a very close bond, so keeping her completely in the loop is very natural for us - we wouldn't have it any other way.

As expected, because my breast cancer is such an aggressive variety (triple negative), it needs to be treated aggressively. I'll be on what they call "dose dense" therapy - high doses, delivered on a shorter interval cycle, every other week. I'll need four cycles of one drug cocktail (a mixture of two drugs) and four cycles of another mix. Altogether 16 weeks - or 4 months of therapy.

During that time, I'll go on a Wednesday for the chemo infusion (it takes several hours), then on Thursday for an infusion of a drug that builds my white blood cells back up (after the chemo kills them off - nice, eh?!). A week off, during which I'll have blood tests to see how I'm tolerating the treatments. Then back again for the next treatment.

The doctor told me the side effects that I would most definitely have - and those that I "may" have - and those that happen in more rare circumstances. Trust me, the list is not happy reading!

I decided then and there to accept the ones that I must and make the best of them. For instance, he was able to tell me, to the day, when I'd lose my hair - ALL of it. There will be fatigue and nausea - and because of a pre-existing GI issue, they may not be able to control the nausea as well as they ordinarily do...and I'll also experience the sudden onset of menopause (and all the joys that go with that!). With the second round of four cycles, I'll get all of that PLUS a high probability of muscle/joint pain, and neuropathies (numbness & pain in my feet).

Well, I may not be able to control the fatigue, nausea, and menopause - but, I decided I CAN exercise SOME control over the hair loss! The day before I am supposed to lose it, I'm shaving it all off. I will make an occasion of it, in fact. And, when the time comes, I'll let you all know in advance so that you can celebrate with me from wherever you are, with a cocktail and a toast - or however you'd like ;). I haven't fully decided the details, but who knows, maybe I'll even video it for you!

The "maybe" side effects are another area where I have some control - to those I say "Not me!". I INTEND to be the exception.

And my "ultimate" power play yesterday - exercising my control by choosing to catch my breath before beginning the next leg of my journey.

Initially, the timetable was - surgical procedure to put in the "port" next week and first treatment the week after. My response - there is no way in hell anyone is putting a "port" into my body during my birthday week!! And, Em's first day of 7th grade is September 7th. A big deal - for her, for me...cancer is NOT going to mess that up!!

So, I pushed it off. In the grand scheme of things a couple of weeks makes absolutely no difference. They'll put in the port the week of September 14th and I'll either start chemo that same week or the week after - I'm just waiting to hear the schedule they put together for me. It was rather funny though, seeing the look on the office assistant's face when I told her I wanted to schedule the appointment further out ;). I'm guessing they don't often hear that!

But, for me it works. I'll celebrate my 50th birthday in every possible way, savoring every moment, all week. I already have some plans in place and there are others "in the works". Most importantly though, it gives me time to "let my soul catch up", as a very wise friend put it. I'll have time with my daughter who absolutely deserves my attention right now (we are planning a secret escape! Shhhh!) and we'll get her settled into a new and very exciting school year. THEN I'll take the next step - with a good attitude and a higher vibe in place...strong, resilient, and ready to rock chemo out of the ballpark!

I got a card from one of my Bff's yesterday...on the cover was "The Cancer Vixen" - a cartoon character - kicking cancer's butt ;). She picked the perfect card because that's exactly how I feel and that's exactly what I'm getting ready to do!

So, there's your update. Right now, I'm controlling what I can and making peace with the rest.

Can you relate? Is there something happening in your life where you can do that? I'd love to hear your stories too! And, as always, if you need a little manifesting support or help with an attitude adjustment...check out my coaching services at www.deliberatesensuality.com! (Ok, ok, shameless plug, but hey - I am absolutely IN LOVE with what I do - and I want all the FEEL GOOD that I can get! Hehehe)

Until next time...

Much love,
Lisa