The Second Round

Well...two down, six to go. I'd like to say that lessons learned from chemo #1 really paid off for an easier ride chemo #2, but that's just not how it works. At least that's not how it worked for me.

Wednesday's infusion was fine (believe it or not, that's the easy part!), but just like the first round, it didn't take long for the effects to be felt. Within an hour I didn't want to leave my recliner. So, I listened to my body, napped, relaxed and did whatever it asked of me.

My sister, Gina, is here this time and what a wonderful blessing that is! Having her here to visit with me made a big difference in how I felt those first two days (Wed/Thu)...Unfortunately, I don't think anything or anybody could have made Friday any easier.

Apparently, Friday will be my day of chemo hell. Like with anything else, there's always that rock bottom place. The beauty of rock bottom is that you know it's gotta look up from there! So, I kept reminding myself of that. Problem I'm finding with chemo though...it's all so unpredictable. And THAT is looking like the lesson I need to learn this time.

This cycle hasn't duplicated the last one. Adjustments I made to try to improve how I'd feel this time were lost in the changes and I was left with this...you can't control it. Accept, release, let go - stop trying to predict. I guess it's like the final vestige of that letting go thing that's been so challenging for me. I found myself still trying to sort it out, control the process, when what I need to do is just take things moment by moment.

So...Friday, chemo had it's way with me. But, Friday night, I rallied what strength I could and did something for me. I shaved my head. I had decided to do it a long time ago and I knew that chemo would take my hair soon, so I gained the upper hand and did it myself!

I was certainly not looking my best - barely managed to get dressed for the occasion. Afterwards, I was exhausted. But while doing it...I felt inspired, confident, strong, courageous, and ready to fight! I like the new look...channeling a little of Sinead O'Connor's spirit ;)...and so far, I'm not big on the wigs. But, we'll see.

Today is another day. Slow improvement, but improvement nonetheless. Tomorrow better still? Oh, right. There I go with expectations again!

In this moment, all is well. And that my friends, is all that ever really matters.

Love you!!
xo

Lisa