A Success Worth Celebrating

Hello my dear friends!!

I realize it has been a long while since my last update. Five weeks in fact!

Much has happened in that time...not the least of which was a very successful surgery in Boston, proving once and for all that miracles DO indeed happen (in case you've ever doubted that). Surgeons removed most of my sternum along with the cancerous mass that had grown into it. Then, they reconstructed my sternum out of Gortex (can you imagine that??!). They also removed two cancerous internal mammary lymph nodes from my chest. The plastic surgeon did his magic, pulling my pectoral muscles over the reconstructed sternum to protect it and to reshape the contours of my mid-chest. A new port-a-cath was also placed - to handle any chemo in my future - before they stitched and glued me back up.

The best news is this: There is no longer any evidence of disease (NED in clinical talk) in my body! Yayyyyy!!!!

My physical recovery is going very smoothly and according to plan. If anything, I am ahead of everyone's predictions. That said, my primary focus will continue to be on healing for the next 6-weeks or so, until I return to Boston for my next visit with the surgeon. Meanwhile, I am gradually regaining full range of motion and the day before yesterday I took my first short drive by myself! Whoo hoo!

I want you to know how very much I appreciate all the love, support, prayers, and positive energy that you have been sending me! If I could somehow write a personal thank you note to each and every one of you, I would. But instead, I'm going to give you all a great big THANK YOU here, together with lots of HUGS and LOVE and then I'm going to continue spending all my energy on healing. I know you'll understand.

And...while I've missed our interaction here (I thought surely I'd be writing long before now!)...I realized there was something more important I needed to do first. I needed to practice what I preach, walk my talk, be my own client. I needed to get back to the basics...Self Love 101.

So, for the past five weeks I have been indulging in all forms of self love...like listening to my body and giving it what it wants and needs; listening to my soul and nourishing my Inner Spirit; setting healthy boundaries; getting aligned with what feels good, and only doing the things I've felt inspired and excited to do. Quite often, that simply meant - a nap ;).

I'm proud of myself for doing it right this time. I'm not rushing the process and I'm doing my very best not to over-think the future. I'm just basking in the now...feeling my body heal (isn't it amazing what our bodies can do?!), appreciating the love that surrounds me, grateful for the opportunity of waking up to a new day. A day I wasn't so sure I'd get just a few months ago.

Which leads me to something else I can't end this blog post without acknowledging. There's no lens more profound or clear, I think, than the eyes of a person facing an earlier goodbye than expected to this physical life and those they love. My first journey through cancer provided a subtle glimpse. This time I had to look long and hard through that lens. I had to find acceptance and peace in the possibilities - all of them. The gift in that? A deep-down, crystal clear knowing of what's most important to me and a new found ease in letting go of all the rest. It's something that immediately became the guiding force in my life - and it will continue to be - whether I am blessed with weeks, months, or years.

I'll write more on that soon, but for now, know this...

Miracles DO happen - and I'm convinced that there are plenty more headed my way. I'm also convinced that there are miracles happening every day, to each of us, that we might just overlook if we're not present enough to notice. Ask. Expect them. Trust. Let go. Quiet yourself. Revel in the beauty that surrounds you - the miracle of nature and that of a new day - full of possibilities and blessings! And know that all is well, no matter what! You are loved, guided and protected and everything is always working out for your best and highest good.

Bliss & Blessings,
Lisa

A Look Back at My First Days Post-Surgery

I thought it might be fun to post these here. They are the quick little updates I gave people via text and Facebook in the days following surgery and my first couple of weeks at home. It's funny for me reading them now, since I barely remember writing some of them! It's also hard to believe I was on Facebook (via my iPhone) right up until about an hour before surgery! And that just a few days post-op, I was back on it updating people again. Modern technology ;). Considering all the drugs I was on, thank God I didn't say anything too crazy!! 

Dec 13, 2012 

All checked in for surgery! Thanks for all the love, prayers & support! Love you!! Xoxo

Dec 16, 2012 - AM

Hello all! This is a quick update from Brigham & Women's hospital. Surgery went very well & after 2 days in ICU, I've been transferred to a "step down" thoracic unit. I'm up walking & tubes are slowly coming out. Pain is being managed & just started eating & drinking again. More soon... Thank you so much for your prayers, love, & support!! Keep it coming...long road ahead but I think the worst is behind me. Xoxoxo

Dec 16, 2012 - PM

Last chest tube just came out! Next will be my epidural & IV – so far they have disconnected me from them (without removing them entirely) so we can try oral narcotics for pain relief. Wow! Feeling untethered! Walked to X-ray w/o walker just now! Five walks today is our goal. They say I'm doing very well ;). Xoxo

Dec 17, 2012

Good morning! The day begins early here, but had a pretty good sleep ;). Walked a total of 1/2 mile yesterday! May have some exciting news soon! Stay tuned! Xoxo

Dec 18, 2012

Yesterday was a long day with many rough spots but I'm officially discharged from the hospital! We're still in Boston until I'm cleared to travel at my post-op appointment Wed AM. Now THAT will be a long day! But making progress!

Dec 19, 2012

Cleared for "takeoff" & on the road home! Can't wait to be home - just wish I could teleport there! Xo

Dec 21, 2012

Thanks so much for all the support & well-wishes! I'm home now - yayyy!!! - honoring my body with rest & love. I'm not really up to visiting yet and not even enough energy to be online much, but will be soon. All is well & I am grateful. Xoxo

Dec 27, 2012

Exactly 2 weeks ago (to the hour!) I was in surgery. I am unspeakably grateful for the gift of healing I have been blessed with...My body still has a long journey back to 100% but I'm well on my way! Give YOUR body a great big hug right now & enjoy a moment of awe & appreciation for the amazing gift that it is ♥. Xoxo

Dec 28, 2012

Excellent clarification on what it is to surrender...something I've learned a lot about over the past year and a half. No surprise it's from Anita Moorjani ;). If you haven't read her book, Dying To Be Me yet, I highly recommend it!!

“Surrender, but don't give your power away. There is a huge difference between "surrendering" and "giving your power away". The first one empowers you, as it means surrendering to what is, no matter where your life is right now, and allowing universal energy to work through you to take you to the next level of your life. Whereas giving your power away allows others to control you, which can deplete and drain you. When you are feeling drained, scared, tired, and don't know which way to turn, start by accepting what is, and then surrendering everything you are feeling to the universe. Empty your heart out to the universe, and then let go and trust.” ♥

Jan 1, 2013

Happy New Year everyone!! Still recuperating quietly here with much gratitude for ALL of 2012's blessings & challenges. Whew...what a year! No wonder I'm so tired! Hehe ;). Goodnight!

Jan 5, 2013 

Felt a little better today, got overly ambitious and completely overdid it. Time to apologize to my body, (give my daughter back her Chromebook!), take my pain meds, and rest, rest, rest! Bye for now...♥

Another Long Day...

Hello from Boston! Today was another very long day...I've been poked, prodded, and tested from morning till night. Had my pre-op consults with two of the three surgeons and all my labs & scans. Fasting from all but water today for PET/CT was a little rough, but rougher still was fasting from my beloved Ibuprofen! Pain ramped up all day, until it became unbearable tonight. I'm a couple of hours into a big fat Percocet now though, so it's manageable.

Tomorrow morning I'll get the results of the PET scan - and assuming all goes as expected - get the final thumbs up for surgery Thursday at 2:30 pm. Then we're off to lunch with my cousin Cheryl (assuming this pain stays in the manageable range) and back for an early, light dinner and good night's sleep.

My fasting - no food, no water - begins at midnight Wednesday night, so it'll be a long time until I see food and drink again! First 24-36 hours or so (depending on how I do) will be spent in the Thoracic ICU. I'll have the full compliment of tubes and wires during that time and will likely be out of it for the most part. Not a bad thing at all  - I'd rather sleep through the worst of it ;). When they move me to a regular room, I'll just have an IV (no other tubes) and they will transition me to oral narcotics to get me up and moving about.

The surgery will take about 4 hours, so don't worry if you don't see an update until late Thursday night.

My surgeons are very confident - and I have complete confidence in them. They'll remove as much of my sternum as needed to get clear margins - all of it if necessary. If they remove most or all of it, the plastic surgeon may need to take tissue from my abdomen to cover the reconstructed sternum. If resection can be kept to a minimum, they will use to pectoral muscle instead (a favorable approach - so please visualize that for me!). There's also a lymph node under my collarbone and one under my 2nd and 3rd rib that need to be removed.

I'm as ready as I'm going to be...although pain may initially be worse after surgery, at least I'll know that I'm on the road to improvement once the surgery is done. They assure me that my pain will be well managed.

So...all is well! Thank you so much for the tremendous support I feel from all of you!! Keep the prayers, positive energy, and good vibes coming! Especially Thursday from 2:30 - 6;30 (and beyond!). I've been using my Prepare for Surgery hypnotherapy recording several times a day and will have the anesthesiologists read my healing statements during surgery. I will also be getting Reiki treatments while here!

I'll do my best to update you again tomorrow night - one last time before surgery. After that, my sister Gina will be posting to this blog with updates, until I'm well enough to do it myself again.

Until then...

Bliss & Blessings,
Lisa

Ready, Set, Go!!

Dear ones…sorry it’s been so long since my last update. I can only say that it has been a month of twists, and turns, travels and surprises. But, I have also felt truly guided and blessed!!

When last I wrote, I’d met a brilliant thoracic surgeon, Dr. David Sugarbaker in Boston at Brigham & Women’s Hospital. The next day I was scheduled to meet with a medical oncologist at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. While the meeting with the surgeon went extremely well and left me feeling very optimistic, the meeting with the oncologist did not go quite as well (ok – major understatement!!). Not her fault really – the news just wasn’t so good. I came home a bit of a basket case – in pain physically and emotionally, overwhelmed, confused and needing time to regroup.

After a few days, I finally began to find my balance again - with the help of my fabulous coaches and dear friends - Jeannette Maw and Lisa Hayes, and a new friend Dr. Neil Spector at Duke University, as well as all my family and friends near and far. I still wasn’t feeling optimistic (that felt like too much of a reach right then), but I was on my way to finding some peace and I knew the next step was agreeing to visit Duke University Medical Center for a second opinion.

While the oncologist in Boston offered me little hope, the doctors at Duke were full of hope and support. I connected immediately with their positive attitude and philosophy and knew intuitively this was the place for me. So, immediately following the Thanksgiving holiday, I flew to North Carolina. 

By this point, my surgery was already scheduled in Boston for December 13 – weeks beyond what I would have liked, but apparently the best they could do – so I certainly had the time. My cousin Marci lives in Chapel Hill and she was the one who urged me to come to Duke. She introduced me to Neil Spector – her friend, neighbor and the Associate Director of Clinical Research of the Duke Cancer Institute and Director of the Duke Translational Research in Oncology (DTRO) Program. While Neil set me up with the best of the best at Duke, Marci made me comfortable in her lovely home, took time from her busy job to spend with me, and pampered me silly!! 

Wednesday, Nov 28th was a full day at Duke University’s Cancer Center and I’ll tell you what – I’d be very surprised if there’s a medical center anywhere else in the country that treats you as well as they do! Talk about Southern hospitality!! Not only are the doctors brilliant, but they treat you as if you’re a cherished family member. Everyone seems to begin and end their conversation by asking if they can get you anything – something to eat, to drink, can they make you more comfortable in any way. The facility itself is stunning. Lots of light and sunshine, beautiful grounds, amenities as if it was a fine hotel! Their system is not only efficient, but considerate. You get a pager when you arrive – that way you can make yourself comfortable anywhere in the building – the café, food court, fireplace lounge area, quiet room – and they’ll page you when they are ready for you. Not that you wait very long. And once you’re in an exam room, if you’re like me with lots of appointments with doctors from different departments and disciplines, you stay put and the doctors come to you!! How’s that for a concept?! Every medical center should be run this way!

Anyway – I digress ;). The consults at Duke went very, very well. I listened closely to what each specialist had to say and today I can tell you that I have a plan I feel very comfortable, confident and optimistic about.

My next step will be surgery, in Boston, on Thursday December 13th. It’s a major surgery – probably about as major as they come. I won’t go into details here, except to say that I have the utmost confidence in my surgeons and fully expect that I will emerge from the surgery with no evidence of disease. Recovery will be lengthy and I’ll get the opportunity to practice lots of different pain management techniques… ;). I’m intending to be recuperating at home with my family & friends around me by Christmas.

Another friend at Duke, Denise Paradis, connected me with a doctor who is making me a custom pre-surgery hypnosis CD! I’ll listen to it as often as possible before surgery affirming the outcomes I desire and releasing any fears and anxieties I may have…then, during surgery, the anesthesiologists will actually read aloud the “healing statements” I give them. This has been shown in some studies to reduce the need for pain meds up to 50% and to speed healing as well. Very cool!!

All in all, I guess I’m ready to go. The sooner we get started, the sooner I get to the other side of this. My sister will with me through the whole process in Boston and I’m betting I’ll also see a lot of my other cousin, Cheryl, who lives just outside of Boston. I seem to have cousins in all the right places these days ;).

Oh, and it turns out another friend of ours has a sister-in-law who works at Brigham & Women’s as a pre-op nurse! How does it get any better than this?! I seem to be attracting new friends and old at every turn on this journey - each of them bringing their own unique blessings.

After surgery, and my recovery, we’ll regroup based on where things stand. I’ll still need more treatment - radiation and chemo (though not necessarily in that order). My radiation treatments will be done here – same as last time. Chemo may or may not be here…depending on the chemical cocktail they recommend for me at Duke. Dr. Kim Blackwell is brilliant and thoroughly amazing, as is Dr. Neil Spector, and their entire team! I trust them completely.

So…please, visualize only the most positive outcomes for me next Monday between 3pm – 6pm as I have my pre-op PET/CT scan in Boston. There needs to be little if any growth in the cancer in my chest and no cancer showing up anywhere else, if the surgery is to go forward. Of course, I realized today that perhaps I should be going for the gold here – let’s visualize a complete cure! How about the PET/CT astonishingly shows no cancer at all!! Doctors and researchers are amazed – no one can explain it – it’s a miracle!! I’m thinking it’s really just as easy for God to orchestrate that, as it is anything else, so why not?!

And, assuming surgery goes forward as planned (they won’t need to do it if the cancer all disappears, right?!)…please blanket me in the pink light of love, send prayers of healing, Reiki energy, or whatever special blessings you favor, to me on Thursday, Dec 13th. I won’t know the exact time of my surgery until the night before, but when I have it I will be sure to post it here.

Thank you!! There is so much more I want to say about this experience over the past few weeks, but I’m going to have to save it for another post. My energy lags these days and I’m listening to my body better than ever before. It needs love and it needs me to give it what it needs…and so I am ;).

Speaking of which…if you call me and don’t reach me, or if I don’t get back to you, please know that I love knowing that you’re thinking of me and hearing your voice and message, but my time and energy is very short right now. Don’t let it discourage you from calling or writing – I love hearing from you! I just may not be able to get back to you for a while.

I love you all very much and I can’t wait to share with you all that I’m learning on this latest life journey!!

Blessings & Bliss,

Lisa

Day 1 - Boston

Hello from Boston! 

I know a lot of you are anxiously awaiting updates...It's been a very busy day and I haven't really had time to be in touch. We're staying with my cousin Cheryl and her family, who live in Hopkinton - just outside of Boston. It's close in terms of miles, but a long drive based on traffic. So grateful to her for her hospitality though - warm bed, yummy dinners waiting, sweet pets...;). 

We left early this morning, had a full day of consults and registration paperwork, and a long drive home through rush hour traffic tonight. Thank God for Maryann! She's done all the driving. I wouldn't even be physically capable of it right now (much less mentally - ha!), due to the pain in my chest and back. Plus, she knows Boston, so no worries about getting lost. I'd say we did pretty darn well today! 

As for news...I saw the thoracic surgeon at Brigham & Women's today. He's one of the very best in the country - Dr. Sugarbaker. He agreed to take my case and feels very confident about achieving the goals of the surgery. It's major surgery, but not risky in the same way that say, open heart surgery is. Basically, long incision down the middle of my chest, they remove ("resect" in surgical terms) the affected lymph glands and my sternum, then reconstruct the sternum out of hard synthetic materials. A plastic surgeon would work side-by-side with him to "pretty things up", as much as possible. Key is, we get the cancer out and eliminate the problem causing the intense pain. I'd be here in Boston about a week, then recovering at home about 5 weeks. 

Once I'm recovered from surgery, I'd begin chemo and after that radiation. Those treatments would be back home at Lourdes Hospital - with my doctors and the doctors here collaborating. Presumably. I won't know that plan for sure until tomorrow morning when I meet with the oncologist here at Dana Farber. In fact, until I meet with her, nothing is etched in stone about the surgery either. But, she (Dr. Kathryn Ruddy) and Dr. Sugarbaker have consulted on my case already and I expect to have a pretty good sense of where all this is going by the time I leave here tomorrow. 

All in all, I'm feeling much more optimistic than I was just before coming here - or en route here...which was a very anxious time for me. Much as I've grown my faith and ability to "let go" over the past year or so, I'm still not so good with the unknown and unpredictability! 

We'll see how I feel tomorrow. I should be on the road back home by noon. Hopefully, I'll be able to give you more of an update tomorrow night - but, more realistically, it may be Thursday. I'll need rest and thinking room after all this. It's quite a lot to take in. I am really very impressed with the medical facilities here though - the doctors and their staff. Very efficient; very friendly. I'll be sure to tell you more about all that when I get home. For now, I'm going to get some rest. 

Thank you all very much for your support, generosity, and kindness!! You have no idea how much it means to me to know that I have so many wonderful friends and family in my corner!!! 

Blessings & Bliss, 

Lisa

Expressing Gratitude and Setting Intentions

The last week has been a swirling vortex of preparation for me…preparing for my trip to Boston and ultimately, the longer journey that lies ahead. I’ll be leaving Monday, seeing a thoracic surgeon on Tuesday and a medical oncologist on Wednesday, before traveling back home. By the time I’m done there, I’ll know if I’m having surgery and when. Likely, it will be very soon. The plan for chemo may take longer, but that’s to follow surgery anyway.

But, here’s the thing…you know what they say about the “best laid plans…” Every time I think I know where this process is leading, I end up wrong. And this should not surprise me because this isn’t my first time down this road of unpredictability! Apparently, there is more to this lesson of acceptance and trust and letting go of resistance than I have learned thus far…so the lessons continue!

Bottom line – this is a serious and aggressive form of cancer, recurring in a part of my body that makes it very difficult to treat. I have the very best medical professionals helping me and I have the very best support network surrounding me with love. Prayers for my healing are echoing through the heavens and angels are smiling down at me – of this I am sure! Not much else is a sure bet at this moment.

So right now, while everything is still “up in the air”, I am setting my intentions:

•  To find ease in this process; peace in the advice I am given 
•  To accept all that happens without resistance, and instead, with the trust that somehow it’s all working out for my highest good and the highest good of all. 
•  To continue to savor and find joy in every moment – living life to the fullest; full of love! 
•  To find relief from pain is effortless, as I blanket myself in the energy of love 
•  To have the clarity, wisdom, and confidence to make good decisions 
•  To become so positively aligned with a cure, with wellness, vitality & bliss, that it cannot help but manifest in my physical reality! 
• And to know, at the very depth of my being, that all truly is well – no matter what. 

The last couple of days I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the impact that this diagnosis has on the people I love most – and all those who want to support and assist me. I wish with all my heart that I could take this burden from you! It’s not the burden of helping – giving has its own rewards – it’s the pain and worry that I know is there for you because of what I’m going through. I can only trust that there is a hidden blessing in all of this for you too.

And…on that note – I want to say how very grateful I am to all of you for your support. You show your love in so many different ways – your thoughts and prayers, encouraging comments, coaching and healing sessions, food, driving me around (special, special thanks to Maryann Wilcox for being my companion on the Boston trip!), hooking me up with amazing medical resources (thanks Marci!!), hosting me (my gracious cousin Cheryl in Boston!), and those who have shown their generosity and support financially.

Since I have had a few inquiries from friends wondering about my financial needs, I’d like to address that here…first of all with a HUGE thank you to those who have reached out and assisted me financially in the past. You have touched my heart and eased my stress in a very profound and generous way!

To those who feel inspired to do so now or in the future, I am open to your assistance. This has become bigger than I can cope with alone. I have had little if any income since my first surgery in August 2011 and it looks like I’m in for a much longer, more difficult journey this time. While I do have excellent health insurance (thank God!), there are still medical expenses that are not covered – and this time it looks like there may be travel expenses as well. I live a fairly austere life, but if I am unable to work for a period of time, even my day-to-day expenses will become a struggle. I no longer have “back up” resources.

So, vulnerable as I feel in sharing this here, I’m doing it anyway, in trust and love. Many of you know how to reach me, but for those who do not, I have a post office box that I use for business at: P.O. Box 105, Endicott, NY 13761-0105. I have also started a “Chip-In” fund that uses my PayPal account:


I will keep you posted on the results of my trip to Boston. Please keep the love, prayers and positive intentions flowing! Thank you!!!

Bliss & Blessings,

Lisa

Of Brighter Days and Bliss...

The months before my latest diagnosis were filled with laughter, love, fun, and a feeling of success in "beating" cancer. I moved forward in the direction of my dreams with more confidence and clarity than I've had in years. I felt fearless and filled with a renewed appreciation for life that I longed to share with others at every opportunity. 

Now, I'm drawing on all of those memories - reliving the feelings they inspired in me - and staying aligned with that sense of confidence, success, wellness and appreciation for life. You see, not only does that feel good, but it keeps me aligned with all that I desire to have now and in the future. It reminds me that I KNOW how to get through cancer - I've been there, done that! I know how to survive and thrive. I know how to find little glimpses of bliss on the darkest of days - and I know how to expand that little glimpse, until it becomes a ray of hope - a light that leads the way to brighter days.

This is a reminder of the value of experiencing life aware, present, and with all your senses!! When you do, you'll be able to recall those moments of bliss in a richer, fuller way. That leads to alignment and aligning with good, brings more good. Simple as that!

So...in the spirit of sharing, here are just a few of moments I will be remembering in the coming months...For me, they represent fun, ease, love, happy surprises, connection, friendship, confidence, clarity, and fearlessness. 

In mid-October, I was asked to be a runway model for local boutique, Portobello Row, at an event sponsored by Lourdes Hospital called, Spirit of Women. What fun!! Especially for a "ham" like me! I also had the opportunity to catch up with a few old friends & PR colleagues from Lourdes after the event, which was an unexpected pleasure that brought much joy to my heart. My dear friends Christine & Karen joined me there (my own personal paparazzi, they took the photos!). Afterwards, Christine had Chinese food waiting for me at her house - one of those simple gestures that mean so much - especially since I was starving! Modeling is hard work! Hehe ;). It was a night filled with laughter, old friends, new friends, and lots of  high vibes! 

Looking back at late August...a whole group of my BFFs, along with my sister, got together in secret and threw me a fabulous surprise 50th "do-over" birthday party. They had been planning it for months and somehow managed to keep me 100% in the dark, right up until the moment I walked in! While I think I looked better that night than this goofy picture in the birthday hat would depict, it gives you an idea of just how "all out" they went for me - tons of food, wine, balloons, theme decorations, friends & family. I was thrilled just to have another birthday to celebrate - age wasn't even a factor.

The next day, my parents hosted a big family dinner and we celebrated all over again. I have the BEST friends and family in the world!!
 
I was part of a different kind of family celebration in early October, when I toasted to my Goddaughter's future as she prepared to leave for Army basic training...At that moment, it seemed like just yesterday I was 18 years old, with all the hopes and dreams that go along with being a young adult. But you know what? 33 years later (yikes!!) I think I enjoy my life more and certainly appreciate it more, than I ever could have then...and I couldn't have gotten here, without the contrast of challenging times - or even the tragic ones. In fact, in many ways - I wouldn't change a single thing about my life right here, right now.

And finally, something that was very cathartic for me...a story that aired locally on Fox40 News, about my journey with triple negative breast cancer. It was a success story - told from the perspective of a survivor. I felt a sweet sense of closure after it aired. Little did I realize that just a few short weeks later, I'd be battling this nasty disease yet again.

So here we go...in many ways a familiar path - and that's okay because just like with anything else, experience is a good teacher. I've grown over the past year and a half - I'm better, stronger, more resilient, and more aligned with my desires than I was then. I know the value of keeping my eyes on the road and my hands on the wheel as I navigate through turbulence. And most of all, I know the value of savoring life - moment by delicious moment - something I fully intend to keep doing - no matter what. No conditions. No bargaining.

Thank you with all my heart for letting me share my thoughts with you!

Bliss & Blessings,
Lisa